Divorce and Blended Families

This is the last post that is required for this class and it is a bitter sweet moment for me. This week we talked about divorce and blended families and the challenges that those pose to families. My teachers' wife came in and talked about the challenges that they both faced as they became a blended family. She was a mother of two children and my teacher really had to step up to the plate when they got married. It is a big responsibility and in order to have an effective marriage, certain things had to be done right. The biological parent has to be the one to give the harsh discipline for a while because if the new parent jumped in and started disciplining the children, then the children might resent that parent and it could also cause problems in the marriage. My teacher and his wife are such good examples of how to work out a marriage in a hard situation! As we talked about divorce, I was actually very surprised about some of the outcomes that researchers have found. It is said that years and years later, no matter why a couple was divorced, they feel guilty and continue to feel like they failed in their marriage even if they are happily married again. I really wasn't expecting that outcome because I just thought that if a spouse cheated on the other, then I would think that the other one wouldn't feel too guilty about the failed marriage. But it does make sense to me now and I think I would probably feel the same way. Thank goodness I have the gospel in my family! I am so happy I could marry such a wonderful man in the temple for time and all eternity! :)

Family

This Thanksgiving weekend was so great! There was SO much food and games and fun! My family really is so great! I went down to Utah and was able to see both my Mom's side of the family and my Dad's. I noticed so many things and trends in those families that really apply to this class! My Mom has 5 siblings and this weekend I really noticed some clicks. 4 of the siblings and their families (including mine) all click together really well. The other two families don't click with everyone else very well and are their own subset within the family. I also noticed the same thing on my Dad's side except within the 7 families, there are 4 different subsets-one of which is a subset by itself. Family is so great and I love that I can now understand the way my family works and apply what I have learned.

What does every couple need?...Good Communication!

Communication is one of the most important parts of a successful marriage. If there isn't good communication between a couple, then the couple will eventually lead different lives and may fall out of love. I really love our discussion this week on how the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles conducts their weekly meetings. They have a meeting the same day, time, and place every single week. Everyone sits in a specific place depending on their position in the church and the meetings are always conducted the same. It always starts out with each member arriving early to show their love and appreciation for one another. Then a prayer is said to invite the spirit. Then as they discuss their topics for the week, each member takes a turn to state what they believe and how they feel about the subject, so that way each person is able to express revelation the may receive in order to find the Lord's Will. They then close with a prayer and then enjoy a dessert. I think this method would be such a great way to conduct family counsels and couple counsels within the home. It is a great way of communicating because each person gets a chance to speak while the others listen and a decision is made through the spirit.

Family Crisis

This week we talked about family crisis' and family stressors. We were asked to create a top-ten list of family crisis' in our families and I realized that it was actually very hard. The first one I came up with was when my Dad lost his job. I feel like our entire lives had to be adjusted because we all were used to working through things together. My Dad became very down on himself and felt like he couldn't provide for his family the way he was supposed to. Since he was so down on himself, his mood and his attitude changed and affected every one elses' moods. Not only did it affect our moods, but it also affected our daily habits. We had to stop wanting so many of the more desirable foods and had to just focus on only having the basics. My Dad had to sell our four-wheelers and our go-cart and our nice truck. It was hard on us kids but we knew that it's really what needed to happen for us to survive. Although it was a rough time in our family, we were abel to work through it and stick together no matter what. I believe that we go through these kinds of trials to make us stronger. I know that whenever my family goes through a trial, it's almost like we pull each other closer so our tight circle of trust and love has even less of a chance of breaking.

Fidelity

One topic that really intrigued me this week was the subject of fidelity in a marriage. Most people think of fidelity as being committed to your partner and not having any other sexual relations with another person. We talked about how a marriage is harmed when a spouse even flirts with the opposite sex or shows interest either intentionally or unintentionally. One huge problem that is affecting many marriages is Facebook. Facebook is a site where people create a profile of themselves and everything about them. You are able to chat with friends on there and basically know all about them. Facebook can be really tough on a marriage because a relationship could easily start from there. A spouse may begin talking with a member of the opposite sex with no intention of cheating on their spouse, but often times that is what it leads to. It may seem harmless to the couple at the time because that spouse just seems like he/she is just being friendly, but it is better to prevent these strong attractions that could develop. Not only will it hinder their relationship as a whole, but it will really begin to effect the other spouse because they may begin to feel like too much time is being spent on the computer talking with someone else. As a married couple, the most important person in the world should be the spouse and all secrets should be confided within that relationships. With their best friend. Once those boundaries are crossed, the marriage is at an even greater risk of not working out.

Adding children to the family :)

The whole gospel is mainly focused on the family. In order to make it to the celestial kingdom, we need to have a family. The whole Plan of Salvation is designed around us creating a family and making it back to our Father in Heaven. Marriage is a huge step and is a wonderful blessing. But after marriage, the nest big step comes. Children. I cannot even begin to explain how excited I am to be a mother. I want nothing more than to raise children and be a loving, nurturing mother. I know it will be a huge step in my husbands' and I lives but I know it will be so worth it. I also know that there will be many challenges along with having children. In class we talked about how when a couple has their first child, they experience a bit of a separation because there is another person to worry about in the family. The mother may devote all of her time to the baby during the day and when the husband gets home and wants attention from his wife, his wife is too exhausted. This could cause the husband to be jealous and feel unloved and unwanted. Now that I have this information, I feel like I can be extra careful in preventing this from occurring when my husband and I start having children.

L.O.V.E.

I really liked this weeks topic because it was about love! One of the most important things to me in my life! I love to feel loved by my family and friends and especially my husband. I also really like to find ways to express my love and appreciation to those around me. We talked about how there are 4 main types of love and each one has a different meaning and aspect to it. It is so cool to me that when you ask someone what their definition is for love, you will rarely get the same response that you heard from someone else you may have asked. Love could mean so many different things. The love I feel for my husband is so different than the love I have for food or for material things. The love I have for my family is more of a caring and committed love. I have that love for my husband also but the love my husband I have is on a much deeper level and involves more intimate love also. I feel so connected to people when I realize how much I really do love them. That does not mean that I am IN love with everyone like I am with my husband...it just means I care for somebody. Love is such a happy topic and I am so glad we could talk about it this week! :)

Gender Roles

This week we talked a lot about gender roles and how important it is to have each one the home. Many people in the world believe that men and women are completely the same and that women should be able to hold the same high positions as men. I believe that women are great in the work force and do contribute a lot, but I think that if women began taking over and holding most of the high positions in the work force, many things would not get done, or at least not as quickly. We talked about divine roles and how men and women each have specific traits and characteristics that are natural. Women are nurturing, relationship-oriented, more verbal, they use land marks, and they are detail oriented. Men are aggressive, task-oriented, like action, have a startle-response, and spacial-oriented. I think that men are in high positions because they are able to make quick decisions and get things going, where as women might have trouble making decisions so quickly. Also, within the gospel men are privileged to hold the priesthood and are supposed to protect, preside, and provide. They are supposed to be there to support the family and preside over them. Women have the gift of nurturing for a reason. They fulfill their divine role best in the home. I do believe there are exceptions to this also because sometimes women have no choice but to work to be able to support their families. Overall, I believe men and women have divine roles for a reason and men and women need to stick to these sacred roles.

Week three

This week was a great week in class. I think the thing that impacted me the most through this weeks class was the discussion on family structures and family systems. I believe that each person comes from their own unique family structure and traditions. Personally, my husband and I came from completely different structures and traditions as we were growing up. We had to adjust a lot when we got married and had to develop our own family structure and compromise. We had to communicate our thoughts and feelings fully so we could decide what would be best for us to do in starting our family. We both had a bit of a hard time adjusting to each others ways of doing things but that is whats so cool about developing our own family traditions.

Week Two

This week we talked a lot about boundaries and how different families set their own boundaries and you can often tell what those boundaries are based on appearance. For example, a family with a Rigid Boundary would be very un-social and would keep to themselves. On the other end of the spectrum, a family with a Diffuse Boundary might be very open with who they converse with and allow many people into their lives and don't really have boundaries. A family with Clear Boundaries means that they are not completely reserved, but they are also not so open. It is a perfect balance between the rigid and diffuse boundaries and really helps to keep a family close, but not too close. Families are the most important thing and if boundaries are not set right, then it could be very harmful to the relationships between each person in the family.

Week One!

This week in Family Relations we have learned a lot about trends and different things that are changing within the family. It is so amazing how the family has been almost forgotten about with the world. The world views the family as something that might be obtainable but no one really makes it a goal to have a happy family anymore. There are so many things that are becoming more and more popular like cohabitation, single mothers, delayed marriage, employed mothers, etc. Women in the world are thinking about their careers and where they want to go career-wise, but are not really thinking about settling down to become a wife and mother. It is so sad to me that the family has become so taken for granted. Heavenly Father has said that the family is the absolute most important thing and I am sure Heavenly Father is looking down at His children with tears in His eyes at the way the people have chosen to view family. I really feel like those of us who are still strong in the faith and have not lost sight of whats important need to stand up for what we know is right. We need to stay strong and be an example to the world.

The Most Important Thing In The World!

My family is the absolute most important thing in the world to me! Just for a little background, I am 20 years old. I have been married for a year and a month to the most wonderful husband! His name is Jared and he is 22. This is the 5th semester for both of us so we have about 3-4 semesters left until we're off to graduate school!

Okay so I think since this class is all about family, why not tell you about how my little family got started? :) 

Well, Jared served his mission in Colorado Springs, Colorado (where I'm from) and he spent his last transfer in my area. He came to my house for dinner about a week before he was supposed to go home and it was then that I found out he was going to BYU-Idaho once he got off the mission. 

So basically, by this point I was kind of interested to see if we would date up at school... Okay more like I was hoping for it because he was a way cute missionary! Haha! 

But anyways, he got off the mission and we found each other on facebook then he got a phone and we got to know each other through the phone for about a month before school started. Once we got to school, we started dating and were engaged 3 weeks later, then married 3 months later!

 Our Wedding Day :)

I am so happy that I have him for a husband and eternal companion and I am so grateful for this gospel in our lives! I am excited to see what this class brings and the knowledge I will gain from it!